Romeo-Juliet Balcony Parody

(Julia’s room, New York City, New York, 2008)

(Enter Juliet, dancing to “Like a Virgin” by Madonna)
You’re so fine and you’re mine. I’ll be yours till the end of time cause you made me feel. Yeah, you made me feel I’ve nothing to hide.

Julia:  (Dances)  Oh R- Dizzle… how you too are like a virgin, innocent of any crimes, and yet judgmentally hated by my family.  And those lips, soft cushions of reassurance that I won’t have to marry that scumbag Paris.

Maid:  Good lord, Julia!  I could smell the cheesiness of that line a mile away.  What book’s that from, Romeo and Juliet?

(Julia trips on her own feet, startled by the Maid.)

Huh, and you’d think ballet dancers are graceful…  Anyway, did you hear about that hoodlum from the Dizzle family at the party tonight?  I swear, Tickedioffe was about to pound this guy.  Ugh… to think such dirt touched the albino peacock- feathered pillows adorning the couch.

(Julia’s texted by an unknown caller to come outside, her phone on vibrate.)

Julia:  Oh yeah, umm, pity.  Listen, I’ll be outside on the balcony if you need me.
(Exit Julia)

Maid:  Hmph.  Teenagers and their moods.

Julia:  (From outside)  Heard that!

Maid:  And their good ears.

Julia:  (Very loudly, but jokingly)  Ahh, old people and their clamoring dentures.

Maid:  Well, I never!  (Exit Maid.)

Julia:  Hello?

R-Dizzle:  (To himself)  C’mon R-Dizzle, you to mizzle.
It’s me, Julia, the masked hunk from the party
When that old lady told you to go, it broke my hearty
So now I’m here to ask your vow in the ceremony of love
Cause ya’ll as sweet as chocolate and as graceful as a dove

Julia:  Where are you, lover?  Reveal your tender lips.

R-Dizzle:  Down here, Babe, that’s where you’re lover’s at
Your perfectly proper prince’s pleading for his princess, who’s pretty phat.

Julia:  (In tears)  What did you just say?  Are you saying I’m fat?
How could my lover go and do something that?

R-Dizzle:  Now you’re speaking my language,
Girl, I loved you from the sta-

Julia:  Can you cut the rapping?  I’m a little bit busy trying to make you apologize here!

R-Dizzle:  A’ight!  A’ight!  That’s tight.

Julia: STOP!!

R-Dizzle:  Sorry.  I meant phat as in p-h-a-t, like cool.

Julia:  So why’d you come here, anyway?  

R-Dizzle:  (Takes a deep breath)   I wanted to confess my love to you.  What happened in that room is just… unexplainable.  I saw you in that dress, that tight, thin dress, and I saw a sight no other sir could see.  I had a vivid vision of v-

Julia:  I’m warning you…

R-Dizzle:  Okay, okay.  Couldn’t think of another ‘v’ anyway.  I had a vision that we were getting married in Father Ageist’s office!

Julia:  You mean his office at Hey Zeus Incorporated?

Romeo:  Yeah!  And you know what he says about visions!  So…  what do-?

Julia:  YES!!!  Yes.  Seriously.   You think I’m joshing you here?  (Her eye twitches.)

R-Dizzle:  Okay…

Julia:  You know I mean it, r-

R-Dizzle:  Yes!

Julia:  How’d you even get up here?  My house’s surrounded by guards and a thirty-foot wide moat!

R-Dizzle:  I flew on wings of love, kept intact by all the fond… by that one fond memory we’ve shared together.

Julia:  Nice.  You get that from that book “How to Please you Fiance”?

R-Dizzle:  Uh, no.  I believe it was the sequel “Now She’s my Wife: What do I Do?”

Nurse:  Julia, you need to come in now!  You have dance practice at 6 AM!

Julia: Okay, be right there!  (To Romeo)  We need to plan this out.  Text me tomorrow, okay?

Nurse:  Julia, you’re mother’s being a dog, a female dog if you know what I mean.

Julia:  Tell her I’m coming in a minute!  (To Romeo)  Oh, I love you R-Dizzle, but I have to go.  B-

Nurse: Julia!!!!

Julia:  Geez, you’d think for an old woman she’d forget about the whole thing in a couple of minutes.  But no, she keeps on going.  But then again, I never thought I’d be gullible enough to go outside when a complete stranger tells me to.  I mean really, think of how many creepers there are these days!

R-Dizzle:  ‘Kay, keep the peace.  R-dizzle out of the hizzl… I mean, bye!